But you CHOSE this!

I just finished reading an amazing blog post with this title and HAD to come share it with you all- you can find that post HERE.  I knew exactly what the author was talking about, having shared many of these feelings myself.

Yes, we got some funny looks when we told people we were in the process of adopting a little girl.  From Eastern Europe.  Who has Down syndrome.  With each added statement, people's reactions sometimes got more and more contorted if you will.  I'm sure some of those reactions have to do with the fact that a) we already have three biological children, and b) one of those children has *special needs*.  And I will try not to stay up on my soap box too terribly long, but really, raising a child with Down syndrome is pretty much the same as raising any other child.  He has a few visitors a month to provide guidance and therapy tips.  He has a few extra check ups a year with a couple specialists- big deal!  My other two had more sick visits their first couple years than Evan has had with all his appointments combined.  He's our son and we love him.  We wouldn't have him any other way. *stepping off soap box*

So while some may have a difficult time embracing all this adoption stuff, they may not always be receptive to hearing the stresses of this process.  And no, I haven't shared many stresses here since I often feel like adoption blogs are looked at through a BIG magnifying glass.... you never know who's reading and what conclusions they will make.  I have already vented about one of my friendships and what a strain this adoption has put on it, so I won't go into that all over again.  But I will just say that yes, it is extremely difficult sharing our stresses and bumps along the way.  That constant fear of hearing, "I told you so"... or "Didn't you know what you were getting into?" Not helpful.  Yes, we knew what we were getting into.  Yes, we knew it would be stressful.  Yes, I'm fairly certain when this is all over we would agree that we would do it all over again.  In a heartbeat.

Honestly, I didn't have a clue what all was involved in an international adoption before we started the process.  Silly me- I used to think it was about signing a huge stack of documents, similar to buying a house, getting a homestudy, and then the formality of breezing through court.  HA!!  Of course this was before I started following adoption blogs and networking with other adoptive parents to learn the true process- well before we committed to Lina.  Yes, we entered this adoption process with our eyes wide open, having read about other families' and their extreme challenges in bringing their children home.  We also put our faith in God, knowing he would guide us.  And. He. Has.

The adoption process is often called a "paper pregnancy", and after going through three pregnancies myself, I see SO many parallels.  This paper chasing is equivalent to a VERY high risk pregnancy.  You are on edge, not knowing what the next week will bring.... worrying about the safety of your child and if they will make it home safe in your arms.  There are NO guarantees.  You never know what policies will be changed or how politics will stir things around.

Our visits in country are like ultrasounds- we get a brief glimpse of our child living on the other side of the world... reassurance that yes she is alive and doing ok, and go home with a few snapshots to cling to until the next visit.  Only during a high risk pregnancy you have lots more ultrasounds and doctor's visits to confirm everything is ok.  We go months and months through an adoption process clinging to faith and hope alone.

We have to seek out a specialist here and there- a CPA to approve our financial documents we poured over to disclose income, expenses, insurance policies, assets, and liabilities.... our physicians to complete letters of approval for us as well as our children.  Many more documents, and several rounds of fingerprinting- could we compare all this to a stress test perhaps? :)

There is nesting- I went through this phase about a month ago- cleaning EVERYTHING out and collecting things for Lina, making sure we are absolutely ready for her to enter our home.  I don't think I went through this much nesting for any of my other kids! :)  And cravings.... oh yes, the cravings.  I've been clinging to sweets lately to get me through.  Too scared to step on the scale- so thankful there aren't as many weight checks with a paper pregnancy!

But alas, we don't get to hold onto too much modesty to get through this adoption. Once we arrive in country in a few weeks for our court trip we will go through several hours of medical exams performed by 8 different specialists.  We will be bringing chest x-rays with us along with blood results from testing we had done by our own doctors, and we will have more blood drawn during these exams in country.  I'm betting there will be a weight check in there somewhere! ;)

Instead of doctor's co-pays and hospital bills- we get bills from the adoption agency, not covered by any type of insurance.  I have never written so many checks for so much money in my entire life.  Credit card bills make me cringe these days as well with costs of international airfare and hotel stays.

But we chose this.  Absolutely we chose this.  We may not be able to save the world, but we can make a difference in the life of one child while advocating for many others.  Hopefully people will start to think hmmmm if they can do it, why can't we?