Adoption: the true test of friendship

You'll have to bear with me, my heart has been feeling heavy lately, and I haven't been sure how to handle it.  Going through this adoption process has been a whirlwind of emotions- the highs of meeting your precious child across the ocean for the very first time, and the stresses of paperwork, red tape, and all sorts of hoops to jump through to get there.  More hoops and paperwork, blood(tests) sweat and tears to get back for court.  Who do you go to when you need to share these highs and lows? Your close friends and family of course.  People who have been there for you throughout your life- celebrating triumphs with you, lending a shoulder when you need one to fall back on, and simply lending an ear and showing any signs of support.

This entire adoption process has been a huge eye opener regarding those who are supportive of us in our decision to bring Lina home, and others who aren't quite on the same page.  It has been completely heartwarming to see friends you haven't kept the closest contact with- come out of the woodwork and express how thrilled they are and offering any support they can possibly give.  Our church family has embraced us as well, always showing lots of excitement and asking us how things are going and where we are in the process.  I have a tight-knit group of friends I met online through a parenting site who have all remained very close through the help of Facebook, and we have been there to lift each other up in good times and in troubling times- and they have been amazingly supportive throughout all of this as well.

Yes, many family members and friends thought we were nuts when we first mentioned our adoption plans, but they too have been wonderful.  Some may still be a bit unsure about everything, but they still ask us how things are going, and ask lots of other questions along the way- how we will handle different circumstances etc. and I absolutely LOVE when people ask us questions!! It shows they CARE.  They may still think we're nuts sometimes, heck aren't we all a little nuts in our own special ways? ;) But they love us nonetheless, and will support us in our decision.

Then there is the close friend you've relied on since grade school.  You've been through everything together- call each other on a semi-regular basis, text here and there, call when there's anything big going on.... lean on each other in troubling times, lift each other up when needed, and celebrate for each other's accomplishments.  But suddenly, that's all changed with those simple words, "we're adopting."

Suddenly everything has changed. She says she will support us in our decision, yet her actions send the completely opposite message.  She NEVER asks about the dreaded *A* word.  When I bring it up in conversation- she says NOTHING.  We move on to the next subject.  Awkward.  I won't go into details, even though I'm fairly certain she doesn't read my blog, and she's not on Facebook; otherwise she would know where our hearts are and why we are doing this... but it hurts.  It hurts a LOT.  I don't know whether to confront her about it or to just let it go and wait until we bring Lina home so she can see for herself what a blessing she is to our family and that her life is worth saving.  Maybe some parents who don't have a child with special needs don't fully understand?? Hoping my readers here can help me out.  Help me understand what could be going through her mind.

And just a small piece of advice for anyone who has a friend or family member in the adoption process: ASK.  Ask them anything.  Show any little bit of interest or support.  You don't have to fully agree or approve of what they are doing, but don't try to ignore it like it doesn't exist.  Any little question will send the message that you really do care about them and this HUGE event in their lives.  This IS big! It's the biggest thing in their life right now and it hurts SO much if it's ignored.  I have made so many wonderful friends throughout this adoption process, and many existing friendships have grown stronger because of it.  But for one friendship thought to be one of the best... I have no words for the pain.